“What’s your purpose in life?” I’ve always felt a deep dislike for this question. Perhaps it’s because it suggests that a purpose should be clear to us, and when we don’t feel purposeful this question is a slap in the face. It may also imply that we have a set purpose and that we just need to discover what it is. Maybe I’m simply freaked out by the idea of boiling my own purpose down into some sort of personal mission statement.

While some people craft coherent story-lines to describe their purpose in life or work, I just see it like this: our purpose is whatever brings us most alive. It can therefore flow with the shifting currents of our life.

Two Great Men have helped to confirm this for me recently. The first was David Whyte. Here’s an excerpt from him, where he draws on a poem by Rilke that describes a swan waddling from land into water:

“All the swan does in order to effect its transformation from awkwardness to grace and belonging is move toward the element where it belongs… All you have to know in your life are the things that you love; the things that you hold in your affection. You only need to know the frontiers where… you come alive.” —David Whyte (Extraordinary Transformations)

As this analogy suggests, life flows freely when we understand the unique elements of our self and create/follow experiences that resonate with us. This happens naturally when we pursue activities that excite us or captivate our attention. It emerges through our relationships with family and friends. We may also experience strong bursts of energy that fill us with life, such as when we feel compelled to do something for those around us and our self.

We share the same elements but we all have a unique composition. That’s why I don’t see a single Grand Purpose in life. My purpose (aka my route to liveliness) depends on who I am as well as where I am right now.

Purposeful work

David Whyte also does a great job of unpicking the idea of “work/life balance.” Rather than trying to “balance” different parts of our self, which suggests a trade-off, he asks how we can weave “three marriages” together. These are our relationships with our self, with significant people in our life, and with our work.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about purposeful work in particular. Work often defines us (as what do you do?). We also invest a huge amount of energy in our work, so finding/creating work that lets us thrive seems to be both a luxury and a necessity for life.

Work is actually very purposeful for the majority of the world’s population: it’s essential for keeping themselves and their families alive. Many people also work very hard to create better opportunities for their loved ones. We’re very fortunate if our work can be a source of personal empowerment as well.

This is where my second star of the week comes in: Sir Ken Robinson. His TED talk from earlier this year is well worth a watch, as he makes a distinction between people who endure their working life and people who love what they do because it is who they are. As he comments:

“Often people are good at things they don’t really care for. It’s about passion and what excites our spirit and our energy. And if you’re doing the things that you love to do, that you’re good at, time takes a different course entirely…If you’re doing something you love, an hour feels like 5 minutes. If you’re doing something that doesn’t resonate with your spirit, 5 minutes seems like an hour.”

Ken highlights how our schools don’t empower most people to follow a path that brings them most alive. The same could be said for many workplaces.

Looking at paid work in particular, I see many people enduring jobs that suck the life out of them. This is despite the fact that they are financially secure compared to the majority of the world’s population. They have the power to choose something else, but something holds them back. Maybe it’s because they haven’t experienced a lot of empowerment through the education system or their work. Perhaps it’s fear. Maybe they’re just worn down and they can’t summon sufficient energy. It takes a lot of strength to leap from the security of an existing job, even when we know in our knower that it’s the best thing for us to do.

A weaving path

“Traveller, there is no path. The path is made by walking.” —Antonio Machado

I know too well what it’s like to be unhappy in work. My lowest point was a few years ago. I’d gone from whole-heartedly loving my work to feeling very disconnected. Part of my difficulty was that I’d actually neglected my relationship with myself by working to the point of burnout. I’d lost my connection with the well of energy that feeds me. I’d started my working life in a very purposeful job because it was well-aligned with who I am (it was dedicated to sustainability). But slowly the life seeped out of me as other aspects of my self were unfulfilled.

At a low point I met this Maori proverb: “Rapua te ara tika mou ake / Seek the path that is right for you”. I remember feeling daunted by these words. I’d strayed so far from feeling full of life that I had no idea where my “right path” was. I decided to disrupt my life and create more space for my self. I went on secondment to Australia. Then I took a 6 month “sabbatical” from paid work. When I started a new job I insisted on a 4-day work week so that I’d have more time to play with social/environmental projects and anything else that made my heart go bing. A year later I made another leap when my paid work wasn’t fulfilling enough.

Looking back, I’ve come to understand the Antonio Machado quote above. To seek a path that we cannot see, because it does not yet exist, all we need to do is look where we stand and to follow the things that bring us most alive. Some days it’s a crawl up a mountain in a blizzard. Other days we sprint through open spaces. Part of the fun is the mystery.

Purposeful work will always be important for me. I also admire the purposeful work that many people do, whether it’s in return for money, solely for the love of it, or performing essential roles like parenting. I’m also careful to ensure that work is only one aspect of my self that needs to be fulfilled. My purpose will shift through different stages of my life and whenever I learn more about my self.

To wrap up another lengthy post, here are some pearly questions that I’ve found particularly useful for exploring my purpose:

“…what is the work that brings you alive? What are the places that bring you alive? What are the conversations that vitalise you? In whose presence, simply by being in their presence, do you find yourself making the best of yourself?” —David Whyte

Asking our self these questions, and having the courage to respond to what we hear, may be some of the most important work that we ever do. As my Mum often says, “Life is for living, after all.”

Note: The photo is from a recent trip to Castlepoint, New Zealand. Leaping takes some practice, especially when it’s windy. Thanks for the photo Tim.

Related posts:

1. Sticking to life
2. Redirecting consumerism: 5 tips for my former self
3. Being in our element